As the end of 2009 creeps up upon us, the search engines are starting to release some interesting data. Ask has just published its top search questions of 2009, taking into account all the actual queries typed into that little white box. Google, AOL, and Yahoo all recently revealed Michael Jackson to be the top search term of 2009. Other hot search commodities for the year included "Facebook," "Twitter," and - thank you, fellow gentlemen - "Megan Fox." Now, thanks to a newly released list by Ask.com, we're getting even more entertaining insights.
So what's the world been wanting to know? How do I get pregnant? Here's an intriguing (and at times disheartening) glimpse into our collective curiosities. I think we can all agree: If you have to search the Internet for the answer, you probably shouldn't be trying in the first place. Step 1: Put down the sticky bun and get your lazy arse off the computer. How can I get a six-pack fast?
What is a 3G network? What is love? I'll take questions asked by AT&T for $500, Alex. Think they were wanting a literal answer, or just searching for a clip from Night at the Roxbury? And what kind of Web sites have you been visiting lately, pal?
How do I delete my cookies? Eh? Eh? How do I make a Web site? Nevermind. Just head over to Geocit...oh, wait. Who am I? For the sake of the last guy, let's hope you're a Web designer.
Um, do you really have to ask? Is Adam Lambert straight? Does my crush love me? Is he Adam Lambert, and are you a girl? That all depends. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Quick, someone call Sergey. Sounds like one of those cryptic Google interview questions. When will the world end? NOW. No? Oh well. Right... Was worth a shot.
Ninety-seven percent of those searches were made by that guy from the Spin Doctors. What time is it? Why is the sky blue? Last I checked, it was 1-800-STOP-STALKING. When should I give my child a cell phone? Close runner-up: "Why is the screen of death black?" What is Miley Cyrus' phone number?
Not until he stops trying to track down Miley's number...the perv. Okay, this last one wasn't actually on the list. Where the hell is Jeeves? But I'd really like to know. You can keep up with him on Twitter: @jr_raphael. JR Raphael is co-founder of geek-humor site eSarcasm.